Grains of Half–truths
by Arkhe
Summary: Some grains of... well, half–truths, white lies and flat out lies about the Naruto cast. Silliness and odd humor abundant! [Kiba's ficlet up: 'Bad Habits']
1. Grains: Sakura

Dedicated to:  
_Arnoldstrife  
granite69  
hmr  
Kazanoe  
omnikaze_  
in no particular order other than alphabetically. (Unless you guys don't want to be dedicated to, lol, then uh... end segment)

**Foreword:** This is what happens when I got off a binge through all of Link and Luigi's Naruto Primer and the Lost Chapters as well :p

This one-shot deals with female Haruno's and their crushes. Not Sakura, silly! Her mother!

* * *

**Grains of... Half-truths.  
**_Oneshot Series **x** Spam  
_**Ficlet One:** Something About Sakura's Mom  
**Character:** Sakura 

Sakura had just woken and greeted the new day with a smile.  
Today, she would go to Sasuke's house, he'll fall in love with her and they'd live happily ever after.

So she skipped down the stairs and over to the breakfast table, where her mother had just finished cooking and had just settled down at the table herself.

"You look quite content today, my dear daughter." Remarked her mother.

"Why yes! Yes, I am mother! We don't have training today, so I was thinking of trying to get Sasuke to go on a date with me!" Sakura's bright attitude couldn't be contained and she explained her plans for the day.

"Really, now? This is that Uchiha Sasuke, right?" Her mother raised an eyebrow, interested.

"The one and only!" Sakura confirmed.

"Oh, you're first crush... That's so cute..." Her mother lightly teased.

"Aaaaw... Mother!" Sakura went and blushed.

"I still remember my first crush..." The Haruno matriarch averted her eyes to a time long past.

"It wasn't dad?" Sakura asked. As far as she knew, her mother had dad and _only_dad.

"No! I never considered your dad back then!" The reply was a little too hasty for Sakura, though she didn't voice it.

"So then..." Sakura sat up, folding her arms on the table so she could listen to her mother's tale. "What was your first crush like?" The little pink-haired girl was genuinely interested.

"Oh, you never forget your first crush..." Her mother sighed and tilted her head, her eyes becoming all dreamy-eyed.

Sakura had given her mother the moment to let her continue on her own time.

"He was really quiet... And very solemn..." The older female started.

Her daughter nodded her head, liking the idea already.

"He never spoke much, but he had the most alluring gaze..." Sakura's mother continued, speaking softly.

Sakura sighed. The visuals she was getting was starting to take after her beloved.

"He was so... so... intense! He had a strong will and was very much a lone wolf..." The memory brought a smile to her lips.

Oh yes... Sakura had considered that her mother had fallen for a boy much alike her own Sasuke.

"I had brought him lunch everyday and insisted he go out on dates with me... I always had an interest in ninjas, but I knew I didn't have what it takes to become one, so I always insisted that he'd become one!" Her mother had grinned.

"Yeah? And did he for the sake of love?" Sakura asked. Now she had thought of herself in her mother's place and Sasuke being at her side. She was now completely lost in the illusion.

"Why yes he did! In fact, the adminstration had to change the rules because he'd killed all the aspiring genins!" Her mother said.

Sakura paused. The day-dream halted. This sounded awfully familiar in a _'coming back to bite you in the ass'_ kind of way...

"Oh Zabuza... I always wonder what ever did happen to you, after I moved on out of the Mist..." Sakura's mother sighed and eased back into her chair, taking a sip of her coffee.

This jerked Sakura into shock. Her ideal fantasy of Sasuke in her arms suddenly turned into a tall, scarred and shirtless older man. And even though it was in Sakura's imagination, the missing mist ninja looked as shocked and awkward as she did about it.

"Momochi Zabuza?-! The Devil of the Mist?-!" She exclaimed, on the verge of shouting.

"Why yes! Momo-chan! Have you met him recently?" Her mother confirmed happily.

Sakura cringed at the pet-name her mother adopted for the undesirable man. And as much as she wanted to tell off her mother for remotely liking (much less a first crush) on the Devil of the Mist, she still would have felt bad about outrightly grounding her mother's first crush, if the bridge mission were to be thoroughly explained.

So the genin chose her words carefully.

"A corrupt businessman named Gatou was trying to take-over the country of the Wave so Zabuza killed him. But he didn't escape alive either..." Sakura explained.

"Oh, that's so like him. A lone wolf to the end..." Her mother said as her eyes dimmed a little. The news had dug into her, but she had fond memories of the dark man and had already moved on years ago. He wasn't in her jurisdiction anymore, so she accepted that he had met a fate that he dealt himself.

"Err... He also had a young boy, that dressed like a girl follow him around." Sakura felt she'd had to correct her mother about the lone wolf-thing.

"Oh. Zabuza was like that I'm afraid."

Sakura _really_ didn't want to pursue that train of thought much further.

"Was there anyone else you liked?" Asked Sakura, intent on switching tracks before it got too weird. This had the effect of perking her mother right up.

"Why yes! I had two other crushes while I lived there. One had been my loyal shark at my heel and ready at my beck and call, and the other was my diligent knight in shining bone armour."

"Shark...? Bone armour...?" Sakura was really too afraid to ask, but curiousity got the one up on common sense.

"Why yes, dear! Good old Ki-chan. He was around my age (unlike Momo-chan who was my senior),but I was fond of him none the less." Sakura's mother smiled at the age-old memory. Which quickly turned into a grin.

"Kisame also had rows of sharp teeth like that of a shark," The Haruno female indicated to her own teeth, "but that made him look cute like a puppy in my books! And you should have seen him when he eats! It's like watching the Akimichi at a clan gathering!"

"Umm..." Sakura was at a loss. How in the world could someone liken a shark to a puppy?-!

"If he was your father, you'd have a healthy blue complexion!" Her mother couldn't help but add as an after-thought as well.

The Haruno Matriarch's daughter started sputtering.

"Oh and my young and brave Kimi-kun." Sakura's mother continued, completely neglecting Sakura's own uncomfortability at the subject. "He was always so thin and frail looking. He spent alot of time in bed because he was always so sick... But I always found time to vist him and bring him up to speed with my chicken soup. Oh, he was quite younger than me, but that wouldn't stop me! He had a nice cheek-bones. And speaking of bones... His bloodlimit allowed him to manipulate his own bones! Even allowing him to pull them out of his body!"

"Uhh..." That really wasn't appealing. That really, _really_ wasn't an appealing thought at all.

"But there'd only be one bone I'd be interested in! Haha!" Her mother joked, she gripped Sakura's shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze.

Sakura had enough at this point. The situation was far too awkward and unstable to even converse in. So she'd decided to leave as quick as she could.

"Ummm... Look mother," Sakura delicately lifted her mother's hand off her shoulder and stood. "I'm not feeling so hungry anymore... I'll be heading out now." And she proceeded to back up towards the exit.

"Take care dear!"

Sakura was out the door and trying to shake her mother's words out of her head, before it did any more permanent damage, when she found herself heading generally on the way to Sasuke's house to dote on the tragic avenger.

Then it so happened that Zabuza crossed her mind.

Then she changed directions to head down to Ino's flower shop.

Sasuke could probably live without her for today and they could fall madly in love some other time.

_End.  
_

* * *

**Author's Notes:**  
And that's it for this one shot. Sorry for the 'Zabusa', mistakes as well as the varying ages of Sakura's mother's 'crushes'. It will not make sense if you try to work it out.  
If you found it a little slow at the start, you'll have to see my Itachi one next. Not recommended for people who are devoted to him and think he's like an avatar of coolness or something. 

Well, that's it for now!


	2. Grains: Itachi

**Foreword:**  
There are some outside anime references. But no knowledge is required of them. Umm... Bewarned Itachi worshippers! I'm afraid you might find him more mortal than yourself...

* * *

**Grains of... Half-truths.  
**_Oneshot Series **x** Spam  
_**Ficlet Two:** Weaseling Out Of Responsibility  
**Character:** Itachi 

Itachi was a genius.

No doubt about it.

Everyone agreed he was heading for high places.

But like normal people, he had a pet peeve that was probably least expected from him.

He loved watching Anime.

And it sometimes interfered with his responsibilities.

---

"Dammit Itachi! Get over to your Auntie's! She's been asking for your help the whole summer and you'd promised her!" 

"What summer? The weather never changes in the Hidden Leaf."

"You know what I mean!"

"Hold on dad. Just let me finish."

A brief pause.

"Okay, but you better get over there quick smart right afterwards!"

"Yeah, yeah."

Unknownst to his parents, Itachi was again settling down in his room to watch a good run of anime. Not that it would matter much to anyone, but in the Uchiha household, most of TV was censored and any form of cable or japanese cartoons (and even internet!) was banned.

But that hadn't stop Itachi. He was a thieving genius after all and techniques wasn't the only things he stole (though how anyone could overlook the long, thick cable running from the Uchiha's main home to a civilian's home was beyond him).

Unknownst to Itachi, his parents didn't know he was settling down to watch anime and thus were in the dark at what their son was doing for this portion of the morning. So they let him get away with the assumption that their teenage son was doing, what every other teenage son would be doing, behind a lock door and a body full of rampaging hormones.

Let's not get into that.

So back to Itachi. He had his popcorn that he had oh-so heated to perfection with the abuse of one of his Fire techniques and was just getting comfy. There were still the standard annoying commercial breaks that were paraded before any show begins, so he had let his mind drift away, instead of getting mesmerised into having to buy the spiffier kind of toilet paper.

His mind lulled over to the subject of anime and why it was banned. No one had bothered explaining it to him and it was just a given rule on the other Uchihas: they never questioned it.

Well okay, maybe he learned a little that particular day with Shisui had been a mistake. He'd invited the guy out for a Dragonball Z marathon and when it was over, like all testosterone hyped-up guys, went off to mimic their favourite characters. Itachi's just happened to be Vegeta and though Shisui's had been Goku, the way he went out whining about the pain was more likened to Krillin.

Oops. He'd killed Shisui.

Itachi panicked. He was a good guy! He's never had a criminal record before! He was virginal enough to never even watched the _other_ 'anime' channel! Maybe once. Twice (it was anime after all). Okay, sometimes, but he'd be watching it from the corner of his eyes and not directly facing the tv so no one could pin him on watching it -or at least that's what he told himself. And he sure as hell wasn't taping all of it. No siree. Highschool stuff was usually pretty decent to him (he was in the similar age bracket after all), but when it came down to tentacles, he'd have to draw the line somewhere. So he'd only tape an episode or two of those.

Errr.. Getting back on track, he was the son of the head of police! He couldn't disgrace his family! So he did what any sensible family-devoted son would do: he dumped his best-friend's body in the river and walked away whistling innocently. (Albeit too innocently; no idiot walks through the Uchiha neighbourhood whistling innocently. He'd quickly become prime suspect for his best friend's homicide but they never had anything on him since he acted like he was all _Joe Cool_.)

But that was all in the past! Itachi decided to forget about that and was now enjoying his first episode of _Fist of the North Star_.

You know, that anime where some guy waves his fingers (and there's like some really tripped out graphics that belongs in a rave) and then people just seem to explode?

That's the one.

And the fact that he was watching with his Sharingan on completely slipped him by.

* * *

The show finished all too soon, so Itachi reluctantly went on to help his dear old Auntie with whatever it is that older relatives usually guilt trip their sturdier back nephews and nieces into doing whatever menial labour there is. 

"Hey Auntie. You needed my help?"

"Yes. Please come over here."

"Here, I'll take that."

"No wait, I have it."

"Hey, you're falling. I'll catch you."

"Now, I'm fine. I'm fiiiIIIEEEEEEEEEEE-"

And then there was alot of blood.

"Uh oh."

Itachi stared at his hands, which were now covered in blood that wasn't his. And much like the way the universe works, when a domino falls, there will always be another to be fallen into; so it shouldn't be surprising that the second domino just peered in.

"MOTHER!"

"Err..."

"You... YOU KILLED MOTHER!"

"It's not what it looks like! Seriously!"

No amount of apologies, explanation and negotiation could really save the moment as the whole thing just spiralled crazily.

"YOU KILLED MY WIFE AND SON!"

"YOU KILLED MY BROTHER'S FAMILY!"

"OH MY GOD! ITACHI'S KILLING OFF THE WHOLE CLAN!"

"EVERYBODY! GET HIM!"

Oh, this really, really sucked.

After what seemed like an eternity of defending himself against frivolous claims and accidently picking off all the people who tried to kill him (and the people who weren't trying to kill him just also happened to die, through a series of completely unbelievable and coincidental accidents ala _Final Destination_), Itachi made his way to his own home, completely intent on getting his father to bail him out of this sticky situation.

Getting inside his home was fine, but Itachi found himself locked out of his main lounge. Probably because the other side was barricaded by his mother and father.

"Dad! I accidently watched some anime and everything's all screwed up! I'm not going to no jail!" He called out to them.

"That rule was there for a reason! I put it there for a reason!" His father's voice shouted back.

"For something like this?-!" Itachi screamed.

"The Sharingan is far too powerful for the clan! You knew the full implications of what you've done ever since you started!"

"I had no idea anything like this could happen!"

"Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a 30 second long transformation sequence?-!"

_...Weird moment._

"Ummm... Can't say I have..."

"They were all scared of my potential! The star-field backgrounds, the make-up, the knee high boots, the short skirts. Magically, skin-tight uniforms are far superior choices of ninja wear!"

"Ermm..." This was the first of his dad's golden years Itachi had heard of. And the older son was willing to stop hearing it.

"Then there was the posing and long-winded battle cries! In the name of the Moon! It was all perfect then! But THEY feared it... So I had no choice..."

Itachi was feeling as he met his'awkward quota' now and took that end as a sign to further his quest to stop the madness right NOW.

"Dad, I'm coming in so you can fix this before I get into even more trouble!"

So Itachi began on his Grand Fireball technique to bust down the door. And the Fireball worked well as it tore through the door marring his way. But it worked a little too well...

And so a bad situation turned worse.

With his father and mother now out cold (or rather smoldering), Itachi started on his Sharingan, trying to recall all the ER and Medical Investigation shows he'd watched and grabbed the nearest weapon.

And just because he knows the way to cut people open, doesn't mean he knows that's not what you're supposed to do to people who have burns. That and he wasn't entirely recalling ER. He was more like recalling... Rorouni Kenshin and other (personally unrealistic) samurai anime he'd seen.

And so a worse situation just got crapped on.

"MOTHER! FATHER!"

Ah shit.

Sasuke stood at the entrance of the room, his emotions strewn between shock, confusion, panic and betrayal. Then his emotions agreed on one and his face switched to rage (which could be mistakened for constipation in a different setting altogether).

Sasuke charged Itachi blindly. All he could think of was.. No scratch that. He was beyond thinking at this point.

Itachi saw his brother coming and caught the attack. However, the older brother's reflex had him pull his younger sibling into a well-placed knee. The counter-attack connected all too uncomfortably into the smaller boy's stomach, effectively stunning his would-be attacker. Itachi, favouring to ignore that last mistake, held his brother's face at eye-length to start explaining his side of the story...

...and was at a loss of words.  
What could he say? He did just kill off the entire clan except for Sasuke...

Wait..!

He was currently touching his brother! And Sasuke's not exploding!

That's great news!

Now just to get this all cleared up with him. Surely he'd understand.

No.

No, he wouldn't.

Geeze, Itachi had nearly forgotten that his brother was such the dumbass and would likely take it personally. Then the older boy decided that if maybe he expressed it in a way that seemed dramatical and satirical, his brother would understand. Being a master of suspense was an inherited family thing.

Itachi would have to wing this and wing it right.

"Foolish little brother."

Probably a poor choice of words. But he had to continue now.

"Hate me. Live in hate. You will need that to grow stronger than me."

He knew THAT was definitely a really poor choice of words too. But he didn't want his brother to grow up all woosy-like. Unlike that Street Fighter character 'Dan Hibiki', he'd want his little brother to grow up all bad-ass and manly. Tragedy was manly right?

Gotta keep the Uchiha clan looking good.

Itachi was about to release his poor brother when he had a sudden inspiration. How many people out there would love to be at the bedside at the moment their loved ones passed on?

And he just happened to have a technique that allowed that! (Though years from now, when he'd be asked how he came across this technique, he'd admitted to not knowing and thought he just pulled it out of his ass one day.)

"And now, you shall see our clan's last moments."

Sasuke watched.

And watched.

And watched.

All the while, Itachi was trying to figuratively work the playdeck of his mind. Somehow, he'd had selective memory lapses in replaying these for Sasuke and unexplainably the boy was only watching the people screaming and exploding. When it finally got to their parents, Itachi was thankful that there weren't any gender bending issues being played back (as he really didn't want to scar his brother like he himself had been), so he focused on repeating the death of his parents while trying to figure out how to stop this technique.

And finally.

"Whoo! Yeah! I stopped it!"

Itachi looked over to his white-as-a-sheet brother.

"Sure as hell felt like 3 days in there, huh?" He jibed, giving his little brother a good poke in the forehead.

And it elicited no response.

"Uhhh... Hello?"

Itachi went as far as waving his hand infront of Sasuke's face which still did not provide any sort of reaction.

"Oh shit..." Itachi winced hard. "Look, I'm gonna get going now. I'll just come back when all of this blows over."

Sasuke still didn't respond so Itachi took the opportunity to back up towards the door. Just as he reached the exit, he paused as he just remembered an after thought.

"Oh yeah. Don't watch anime. If you do, I'll kick your ass."

Then he was out the door.

But for only a second. He stuck his head in again, as he was struck by another after thought.

"So when you know better, I'll come back with beer and we'll get stinking wasted and probably look back on this and laugh."

And then he was gone. Like really gone.

---

Itachi loved watching anime.

Which was probably the reason he rationalised, that now that he was a bad guy, who did something horrendous and was probably qualified for the biggest bad-ass group there is.

Everyone agreed that he was heading to high places.

Which was probably why he was heading for Akatsuki; the biggest bad-ass group of missing ninjas there ever was.

No doubt about it.

And there really was not doubt about it. Possibly regret on his reckless actions but now he was bound to meet someone who had some sort of tentacle-jutsu. Not that he'd want to learn it mind you, just to see if there is one... He only needed to see it once anyway...

Itachi was a genius.

But he was still human.

_End_

* * *

**Author's Notes:  
**And that's the second one. Originally, the scene with the parent's was gonna be a chapter right out of Ranma, but it wasn't hard-core enough and getting too long-winded. Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. 

Next one's gonna be a Rock Lee chapter and that's gonna come out whenever I feel like it (after a _Fox Identity_ chapter or whenever I have the need to get this out of my system).  
_light revision:_ January 13, 2006


	3. Grains: Lee

**Foreword:**  
Thanks to all my reviewers! Yes, even you, self proclaimed 'my girlfriend'! It got this fic out faster than I expected.

* * *

**Grains of... Half-truths.  
**_Oneshot Series **x** Spam  
_**Ficlet Three:** Shit Happens  
**Character:** Rock Lee 

Lee had always been a faithful and hard-working student.

Born with a handicap that would force lesser ninja-trainees to quit, he strived to become stronger, so that someday he may prove that hard work can surpass geniuses.

And though his looks will never get him on a calendar (at least with his face intact), his more outstanding features were his determination and his naive and honest ways.

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

Of course, all of that gets thrown out the window when your first impression of him is the scene before you.

Neji and Tenten had inched away, fully disturbed by the spectacle. Despite the adaptability of the human construct, this was one event that would never fail to make them uncomfortable.

Eventually, Lee and Gai separated from their hugging and returned to their rightful places.

"Oh students of mine!" Gai wailed theatrically (though theatrical from an outsider point of view, everyone on the team knew how serious Gai was really being).

"The time has come and things must move on! Your burning youth is at an impasse and cannot be delayed any longer by your clever and astute teacher."

Then he straightened and Lee mimicked the gesture. Both men's eyes glistened with unshed manly tears.

"So it is with a heavy heart," Gai choked, "that I dismiss you for today. Training adjourned!"

Then he burst into tears, as did Lee.

"Oh, except for my cute Lee." Gai had somehow resumed looking none the worse for wear when he said that.

"I must speak with him."

Neji and Tenten just left wordlessly. There really was nothing to say at this point. As much as they liked their teacher, his odd attitude would always leave them violated (in a way they couldn't explain) at the end of the day. He'd already turned Lee into a Gai-clone _-perish the thought, that same fate will befall the rest of them_.

Once both of Lee's teammates were out of sight, Gai then began on the reason of why Lee remained behind.

"Firstly, I must tell you of something important..." Gai said, placing a hand on Lee's shoulder and preparing him for what was to come.

The bowl-cut jounin then weaved an elaborate tale of daring heroics and a love that carried over various centuries, in a bid against all odds and various deaths to build character!

Needless to say, it had far too many adjectives and references to the passions of youth.

And not only did it bring Lee to tears, but had forced him to his knees as well. (In a crying fit sort of way and no other. _NO OTHER_.)

"And this comes to my point..." Gai exhaled heavily. "I believe you're listening to me, so everything that I told you before is irrelevant. Forget it and pay attention."

Lee wiped the tears from his face and complied, standing tall. The idiotic and pointless story had been easily discarded and forgotten, for Lee knew that his teacher was always testing his team at the most inopportune of times.

"It has come to my attention that you have been using a forbidden technique of mine..." The teacher's eyes narrowed, gazing directly into Lee's... spheres.

Lee gasped audibly. He would never willingly disobey his teacher! _Sacrilege!_

"No Gai-sensei! I would never employ the Lotus for anything less than for my precious people!" He denied vehemently.

"I had thought so." Gai nodded in approval, but his relieved demeanor changed to accusing just as quickly. "But it is not the Lotus."

"Nor the gates." He slipped in, just when Lee opened his mouth to rebuke again.

A tortoise immediately appeared underneath Gai, raising the jounin teacher a few feet above his own student as to appear more domineering and he took the stance of one hand in the air and the other had the thumb and forefinger touching, to which he saw through with one eye on his student.

To anyone else, the effect was less domineering and more... flamboyant. Questionable and flamboyant. Neji and Tenten knew that too well.

"In fact, you have been using a technique that I had not taught you. And had never intended to teach you." He loudly proclaimed. The sun had caught the shine on his bowl-cut just so.

Lee gasped audibly. Gai refusing him a technique?-! _Pure madness!_

"Not for the reasons you may think." Gai quickly intercepted that thought, before Lee turned hysterical.

"You see, I had created this technique years upon years ago, when I had been a mere candle to the burning inferno before you!" Gai shook a fist to the heavens (for whatever delusional reason he had at that moment). Brief thunder on a clear day had echoed his sentiments.

"The technique had been designed as to provide me with near-perfect results!" Then his voice turned solemn. "However, the cost was too great. This technique will force the very gods themselves to turn their backs on you."

Then Gai leapt off his tortoise and landed next to his panicking student.

"It is understandable that you had unwittingly copied it in an effort to become more like your teacher; the proud green beast of Konoha!" Lee's teacher bellowed.

"What technique was it that has caused you to suffer this much, Gai-sensei?" Lee said quivering.

"Take a breath and think carefully, my dear passionate student." Gai encouraged. "And find that answer deep within yourself."

Closing his eyes, Lee recalled Gai's words that it was a technique meant for near-perfect results... Yet the gods themselves would turn away from you.

Maybe if he could trace it back to his most embarassing defeat...

Then it came to him.

---

_It was his first time taking the chuunin exam... _

_"My name's Rock Lee! So yours is Sakura..." He introduced himself with a light blush._

_"Let's go out together! I'll protect you until I die!"_

_Then came the wink combined with the thumbs up and glistening grin._

_Some few hours later, he ended up lying face down in the ground, having been beaten by only one of the sound trio. Failed at protecting his dear Sakura, he wasn't even comforted by death._

---

Then there was another memory...

---

_This time, during the preliminaries of the chuunin exams, Hyuuga Hinata had rather taken one too many blows to the chest by Hyuuga Neji. Naruto had wanted to slam Neji's arrogant face into the ground when Lee had intercepted him, managing to convince the blond haired boy not to attack the male Branch-house member. _

_Naruto stood down._

_Then Lee had done his classic nice-guy pose directed towards Gai, who returned it in earnest -both proud at having Lee stopped the hyper-active boy from making a vital mistake._

_Then Hinata unwittingly chose this moment to cough up blood._

---

Another memory...

---

_He'd just arrived at the scene and encouraged Naruto to get going and bring Sasuke back. _

_Kimimaru didn't look nun-plussed and waited patiently. Lee struck a pose and gave ample warning to the bone-using ninja._

_"You're opponent, is the Green Beast of the Leaf!"_

_Of course, he ended up drunk, beat up and Gaara just happened to come along and haul Lee's spandexed green ass out of the fire._

---

Lee also skimmed over all the other little consistencies like with all the little promises to _"do 1000 laps around the village on his buttocks"_ or _"defeat Neji"_ or _"learn Genjutsu/Ninjutsu"_ or _"not to embarass Tenten in front of her family or friends" _or _"defeat Neji"_...

Oh! And defeat Sasuke too.

And Neji.

Can't forget Neji.

**And it clicked.**

It all made sense now!

Everytime he had opened his big mouth, something terrible had happened! Specifically, whenever he'd open his big mouth and made a ridiculous promise that made his teeth sparkle! And sometimes with that thumbs up too!

Coming back out of those black and white, grainy flashbacks and into the digital-colored present, Lee could only find his voice for one word, as he'd been etched with shock and disbelief.

"Gai-sensei!" His shrill cry rang out.

"All this... this... this bad luck is because of the _'Nice Guy Pose'!-?_" His jaw hanging loose as he refused to acknowledge his realisation.

Gai nodded, perspirating a storm.

"Yes. Yes it is. I had called this particular technique _'Nice Guy's Finish Last no jutsu'_. The thumbs up works like a hand seal, otherwise the shining teeth is the confirmation of its use." He nodded sagely.

"B-b-but what is the purpose of such a devastating technique!-?" The genin had wailed.

"Simple, my dear cute Lee." Gai rubbed his chin's nonexistant stubble then went to erroneously pose.

"For you see, the self-imposed rule had different advantages..."

Gai held up one finger.

"The first was that losing would set yourself up a terrible loss. Thus the challenge is taken seriously! That is the first advantage!"

Another finger joined the first.

"The second would be by losing, I would gain strength from vigorous training! That is the second advantage!"

And then a third finger.

"You know the previous ones... But now combined with this technique, you are put into a _**TRIPLE**_ disadvantage! You are almost _guaranteed_ to lose but because of this, you will _definitely_ become stronger all the time!"

"Oh..." Lee cooed. His tears ran freely down his face as he wrote the newest entry into his notepad. "Ingenius."

"No Lee." Gai held out one finger again, this time shaking it viciously in a scolding manner. "Not genius! Hard work!"

Then something crossed Lee's mind.

"Wait a minute, sensei! You told me that I've been teaching it to someone else! Who was it?" He inquired.

"Why, Naruto-kun of course!" The jounin folded his arms.

"Naruto? When did he do a nice guy pos-"

Then Lee caught himself.

---

_The memory of Naruto going with Shikamaru's team to go after Sasuke, had Naruto make a promise of a lifetime to Sakura. _

_Course, this was decimated when the blond boy was dragged back totally wiped out and just __HAPPENED to have a hole through his jacket and shirt that was perfectly parallel from the front to back._

_Whatever Sasuke did, must've really, __really caned Naruto._

---

"Oh. Right." Lee slumped. He didn't realise he'd put such a nice person like Naruto in danger like that. 

"Well Lee. Use it often and eventually there will be _Karmic balance!_" Gai gave the boy a thumbs up and his teeth gleamed.

Lee saluted, his eyes burning as he'd devoted himself to the challenge.

"Okay, I must be going now my cute Lee, as I have a mission to tend to!" Gai ruffled the boy's hair before he made his way to his next destination. 

---

It would be years down the road when Lee would later be reminded to ask his teacher how he can train his _'Nice Guy's Finish Last Technique'_ and what he meant by _'Karmic Balance'_.

Gai would tell him that it is impossible to train it, but in time, _Karmic Blance_ would eventually make a balance to all things.

He would still be able to remember the finish of that exchanged conversation.

_"So does this mean I'll still lose often?" His innocent question hung desperately, wishing the cruel reality to not be so. _

_Gai merely shrugged but replied with a smile and a gleam._

_"Shit happens."_

* * *

**Author's Notes:  
**You can look up all those flashback events! All completely true!  
Next chapter's Kiba! 

PS. I was thinking of changing the title to **Quirks **but then I realised that Itachi's wasn't a quirk so I decided against it.  
PPS. There will be a companion series where it will follow Itachi's adventures. That's when I have Sasuke's chapter up. By... chapter 5 or 6.


	4. Grains: Kiba

**Foreword: **Made you look!

* * *

**Grains of... Half-truths.**  
_Oneshot Series **x** Spam_  
**Ficlet Four:** Bad Habits  
**Character:** Kiba 

Everyone has a habit.

Sometimes a bad habit, but a habit nonetheless.

Now, one must keep in mind that dogs are creatures of habit.

And a ninja clan having an affinity to those particular mammals is just prime for habits too.

So it can be easily assumed, that it would be doubly difficult to break a habit once formed, if you just happened to be a part of that clan.

Kiba happened to be a part of that clan.

And the habit had first started off as cute.

No one could deny it.

People would remark on it and coo about this and that.

The praise had encouraged him.

But with time, it got... disturbing. Uncomfortable. Awkward.

But by then, it was far too late to break the habit.

---

Kiba was meeting up with his team today. He drew alot of unnecessary attention. It couldn't be helped.

"Hey guys!"

There were some unenthusiastic returned mumbles. Well, it was Hinata who decided to politely mumble, whilst Shino just chose not to respond at all.

Kiba got closer and waved a hand, greeting Hinata openly.

"Hey Hinata! How're things?" He greeted his female teammate.

Hinata had her fingers interlocked nervously as she looked down to meet his eyes.

"H-hi Kiba. Umm... Things are f-fine." Her voice wavered.

"I've been doing pretty good myself!" Kiba continued the conversation, despite the fact no one asked him his opinion.

A few minutes drew by and she was unable to take it any longer, so Hinata took a step back. It was just too uncomfortable to have a teammate's face that close to your groin.

Kiba didn't notice how uncomfortable he made her and assumed that it was a movement for him to politely greet the other teammate. So he turned to Shino.

"Hey Shino, my man!"

Shino also backed away. He, too, did not appreciate Kiba's face that close to his nether regions. Kiba had let it go as a Shino thing.

Before he could make his teammates more uncomfortable, their teacher had arrived.

Yuuhi Kurenai glanced over Kiba's predicament and an eye twitched.

"Dammit Kiba! I told you to stop that! It's just plain stupid!"

"Is not! I've always carried Akamaru like this!" His same argument everyday for a while.

And thus lay the problem.

When Kiba was twelve, Akamaru was a puppy who either sat in the hood of his jacket or drawled over his shoulders or head. People had complimented him on it and Kiba kept the habit. Now, years down the road, no one ever expected him to keep that particular habit, nor did he really consider Akamaru growing bigger.

So here we are, Kiba hunched over enough so that his face was at people's groin level, while a rather large dog that appeared as heavy as he was, laid on top of him.

If you can picture that, you'll be able to understand how awkward it is for everyone involved.

And if you can't, let's just say it elicits children to remark to their parents how that dog looks to be trying to jump over that man but can't quite get over. Needles to say, their eyes were covered or they were quickly shushed and to not encourage the pervert-man.

Luckily, Kiba is always fully dressed. Thank God for small mercies.

"As your teacher, I cannot in good conscience let this continue. It is bad for..." _'Your teammates and your teacher, having to be seen with you.'_ Kurenai wanted to say. Instead, she finished with, "your back. Bad for your back."

"Nah, it's okay teach'. I can easily carry Akamaru like this for the whole day." He replied cheerfully. He even went on to hop up and down to prove his point, the motion causing horrible mental scarring to the rest of Team 8.

"That's what I was afraid of." Kurenai mumbled, her hand covered her eyes.

And that was always an occurrence too. Someone (mostly Kurenai) would try to convince him that his habit was not a good idea, but Kiba always shrugged it off in a ridiculously naive manner. It was very unnerving how impervious to logic he was!

So she gave up like, she always does at this point, and called the attention of her team for her announcements.

"Okay everyone, if you haven't heard yet, Naruto's back in town..." She paused as her team looked to each other, a little excited at the development. Or in Shino's case, stay rigid. But the moment didn't last long as far as Hinata's briefly happy moment got, she took one glance at Kiba and promptly became a little disheveled.

"Anyway, I've decided we could drop by and then we can pick up on our training afterwards." Their teacher stated.

The team agreed to that and started walking into town.

"So Kiba..." Kurenai started.

"Hmm?" His noncommittal reply pushed for her question to continue.

"How about taking Akamaru for a walk?" She asked, hoping to avoid the embarrassing stares if the dog was at least walking on its own.

"Nah, I already did." He grinned, completely unaware of the situation.

Kurenai could only sigh in resignation. Hopefully, she'll be rid of him the next chuunin exam (whether promoted or six feet under, it was starting to matter less and less to her). In a few years, she'll realise to just pawn him off to another genin team, since although Kiba would win many chuunin tournaments, no one felt comfortable enough to promote a guy a who looked like his dog was trying to...

_ahem_

Finding themselves at the tower (and the centre of attention thanks to Kiba), Kurenai turned to address her students...

...and completely gaped at seeing Hinata and Shino having taken desperate measures to not have to be associated with their teammate.

Hinata had taken the guise of her older cousin; Neji (who apparently was already subject to rumor and this stunt was fuelling the fire).

Shino thought he would be more inconspicuous if he wore a brown paper bag over his head.

Kurenai was torn with two different emotions. The first being pride for how clever her students had been react to the problem. The second had been scandal as being the only person to be recognised amongst their team with their unfortunate member.

She'd just been about to confiscate Shino's brown paper bag, when one of the office doors burst open and Naruto exploded onto the picture.

Unfortunately for the team, Kiba was the first to notice him.

"Hey Naruto! Been a while since you've been back!" Kiba shouted, bringing much more unwanted attention on his team yet again.

"Hey dog-breath! I-" Then Naruto paused in mid-turn, his eyes went wide.

"OH SWEET MOTHER OF--" He caught himself, shook his head and tried to gather his control.

"That is to say... Ummm..." Completely at a loss to what to say, the blond genin attempted to scrounge together a polite reply.

"Congratulations...?" Of course, Naruto was never really subtle either. No matter how hard he tried.

At Kiba's confused face, Naruto gestured to Akamaru on top of Kiba's back and tried again.

"Condolences...?" Again, his subtlety suffered as much as his subterfuge.

Kiba realised where Naruto was heading with this (well, not really, he just figured that Naruto was talking about Akamaru) and laughed it off.

"Haha! Nah man, it's just Akamaru, you remember? That puppy that sits in my hood all the time?" He corrected Naruto's forgetfulness by reminding him of his dog.

Naruto glanced back between Kiba and the dog.

"Ermm... Right." And no matter how clueless the orange-clad boy is, he knows when to drop subjects that get far too uncomfortable.

Even for him.

Then Naruto stepped back. Kiba's face was too close to his groin for his liking.

---

Dogs are creatures of habit.

More so, if you're from a ninja clan with an affinity for dogs.

And though it's possible to break habits, it was too late for some people.

* * *

**Author's Notes:  
**I thought I could do better and push the envelope, but then I realised I didn't really want to. It made me too uncomfortable to even think about it further...  
Anyway, I'll be doing either: Neji or Tenten, since both will have a connected fic. Then it'll be Sasuke's afterwards for all you Uchiha fans. 


End file.
